Handling husbands who are addicted to porn, abusive or uncompromising (podcast)

The hosts answered listener questions such as…What to do if your husband is abusive…plus, What to do if your husband is addicted to pornography…plus, what to do if your husband refuses to compromise during disagreements…plus, Is a Christian wife free to divorce an abusive husband?  (Debbie and Brooke)

One Comment on “Handling husbands who are addicted to porn, abusive or uncompromising (podcast)

  1. Thank you for answering and praying on my question (pornography question (\*~*/). I addressed the divorce attorney crisis from March-June, 2017. It still hurts. 😦 Husband claimed he figured I wanted a divorce from how angry I was towards him (longer story) and because he decided I wanted a divorce, he feared I’d play hard ball with custody of our kids–that I’d “try to take them away.” I would NEVER want my kids 24/7, 365 days/year. Are you kidding me! One year later, he still sticks to this “reason.” I hate to think the worst of him, but give me a break. And his “reason” means he’s never really known me.

    He’s said the “D” word about 6 times yearly since our marriage 8 years ago. It was always amist a fight where I was calling him on his apathy, lying, and emotional detachment. He’d say, “well, we should probably get a divorce since I don’t make you happy.” I’ve concluded from my past year-long research that my husband does this “cop-out” to get instant affirmations. He can’t feel good about himself b/c he’s full of dishonesty and sadly, sin, so he must outsource affirmations. It all clicked after this. I’m not one to give affirmations freely unless to children. 🙂 Maybe I’m on a high-horse or something, but I don’t believe constantly affirming each other over ordinary daily tasks, does anything for society. In fact, I believe it makes people entitled–always expecting an ‘at-a-boy’ regardless of the amount of work, time, love, etc put in. Thus, my affirmation “rule” plus his need for constant affirmations…OF COURSE he was seeking female positive relationships elsewhere. However, I don’t think the same reasoning can be used for pornography addiction.

    To recap, the reason he needs constant outsourced affirmations is because he literally lies about 2x/hourly. It’s the classic pathological liar. He lies from anything that’s inconsequential if truth be told, to big whoppers.

    My father and brother are both pathological liars. I was extremely cautious with whom I married for this reason. I couldn’t control my surroundings as a child but I told myself since age 8(ish) that my adult life would be different once I had control of my environment. The reason I married my husband, the #1 reason, was because I knew he was safe. I knew he would never abandon me and always be crazy about me. I mean, this guy is like the pope on the outside. Everyone feels safe in disclosing anything with him. He’s gentle, kind, listens, and a practicing Christian. How did this happen?! Did I drive him to lying b/c nothing was ever good enough?

    I discovered last week he told his mom that I: #1) needed meds and was literally going crazy and #2) I had racked up debt so he needed to borrow $200. This sounds crazy right? It’s true. I read it in an email she sent him requesting the money back. His family has literally despised me from day 1. I could never figure out why. I blamed myself for years. Now I know.

    Now that I’ve written the terrible details, you all may be surprised who we are–no, not movie stars or anyone unique. LOL. However, my husband is a police officer and I am a preschool teacher. We live in a $580K house on the coast of California that we worked our bums off for to save for down payment. We are the most average, white, middle class, suburban family as they come. Am I blowing this out of proportion?

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